Picture this; you’ve just walked in the door after a long day of work, ready for a good cup of coffee.
Suddenly there’s a stampede through the house, a scramble for the TV remote, a thud, a scream, and now someone’s crying.
Sibling rivalry – the ultimate rollercoaster ride as parents 🥵!
For those of you who have been following on DaddyWins for some time, you’ll know I have one son, so this parenting arena isn’t exactly my forte.
I reached out to friends and family to ask them for their war stories… just kidding.
But they’ve given me some great insight into sibling rivalry – the causes and the ways back to the calm.
Constant Competition
While the odd competition here and there to get tasks done quickly or have a good time can work well, it’s a different ball game when your kids are constantly competing to win.
Often, this is due to two common root issues:
Kids are in a phase of developing as individuals. They are figuring out what makes them unique.
A child may be trying to fill an unmet need for reward or recognition.
Try to encourage cooperation and collaboration rather than competition if this is a repetitive issue for your kids.
This can look like teaching turn-taking (more on this later), teamwork chores, and shared goals (like a trip to the beach if everyone can do X by the end of the week).
If your kid is trying to meet a need for recognition – catch them being good!
Arguments
This is probably the most common type of sibling rivalry that my friends and family brought up. Especially those with kids aged 4+ as these kids now have more language to express themselves with.
For most, this is more along the lines of bickering rather than full-blown arguments.
A lot of “he said – she said” and “telling on” to Dad.
Here are some ways you can encourage kind-talk between your kids:
First and foremost, model this type of communication between you and your partner.
Describe what you see without judgment or belittling your kids. “I see two kids figuring out who was using the red crayon first.” And then allow each child to express their point of view.
Set limits on meanness or rudeness. My one friend simply says, “redo”.
Remind the kids of your family rules about kindness – even better, draw up these rules as a family in a calm moment.
Pro-Dad Tip: Coach your kids on negotiating, taking turns, and solving problems. You may need to get out puppets and dolls to do some role-play.
More Tips In the Blog Post ⬇️
You can turn to our blog to find good strategies to avoid sibling rivalry.
Talk soon,
Morten
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